


meltdown: jin (chasing visions of our futures, but one will die before he gets there)

by i_was_human



Series: after the end [8]
Category: Lobotomy Corporation (Video Game), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: All Platonic - Freeform, Blood and Gore, Depressed Kim Seokjin | Jin, Depression, Eye Trauma, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Kim Seokjin | Jin-centric, Past Character Death, Platonic Cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 23:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21328834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: "I miss you," he chokes out, pulling the picture into his chest. It's cold and papery and so not them that he just cries harder, trying to conjure up the memories of their warmth.He fails.Because death is permanent here, isn't it?
Relationships: Kim Seokjin | Jin & Everyone
Series: after the end [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1534679
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	meltdown: jin (chasing visions of our futures, but one will die before he gets there)

Jin works to better life for employees.

He doesn't particularly care about energy output. He doesn't particularly care about the status quo. He doesn't particularly care about the other sephirah.

He just wants people to survive.

They may die (they all do) but he cares for them nonetheless-

Which is why he hates RM with a _passion_.

He's not supposed to admit it, he knows. He's not supposed to feel this way, he _knows_.

But he hates him. 

He's not ashamed to admit that the only reason he gave him Mimicry was in hopes that he'd be replaced. In hopes that he could finally see him fall.

But no dice.

So here he is. Standing in the center of his department in the middle of the night.

Alone.

(Like usual)

* * *

He feels helpless.

There's nothing he can do, is there? 

Death tolls are rising and rising and _rising higher still _and there's fucking _nothing_ he can do about it, despite it being his _job_-

He hates it.

And RM doesn't care, Hoseok doesn't care, nobody fucking _cares _because to them their employees are just meat shields, just little energy sources that happen to be capable of complex thought-

Does he even care?

It's a question he asks himself, sitting alone on a desk at two in the morning. It's a question he doesn't have the answer to.

"Jin?"

The voice floats through the air, cutting through the silence, and Jin turns to see RM standing by the door, Mimicry shining even in the dim light.

RM always did cut through things.

Hearts.

Hope.

Lives.

"What do you want?" Jin asks, taking a sip from his coffee. It's cold.

"I..."

RM sucks in a breath, and Jin's shocked to see that his normally-crimson eyes are now a rich chocolate brown. "I wanted to apologize."

Jin screws his eyes shut, a headache beginning to form. "For what?"

"For everything," RM replies, and Jin nearly laughs. How specific.

"Meaningless apologies are just that," Jin snorts, "meaningless."

He turns to leave, fury bubbling just below the surface - how can he just let RM drive him out of his own room? - when one word stops him in his tracks.

"Seokjin."

The pain in his head builds, builds, but he manages to remain standing. "W-Who..."

"It's me," RM murmurs. "Namjoon."

* * *

It's hard to love yourself when everyone who's ever told you to is dead.

It's hard to see the world in color when the joy you found in it has been ripped from you and your eyes pulled from their sockets in a fit of panic and rage.

It's hard to live when you want to die.

But here Seokjin is, still breathing, still _living_ despite not giving a rat's ass about his life.

Not like Namjoon.

Not like his brother, his brother who fought to the end and still trusted Seokjin with his life even when all Seokjin's ever done is let him down.

"I love you," he chokes out.

The room - empty, cold, lifeless - doesn't reply.

"I love you so much," he whispers, tears streaming down his cheeks.

They once called him World-Wide-Handsome, he bitterly muses. What if they saw him now - sunken cheeks, dull eyes, matty, unwashed hair - and then promptly laughs, because who the fuck is still alive to call him that?

Not Namjoon, that's for damn sure.

He sucks in a breath, gaze falling to the handgun.

The handgun he keeps next to their pictures.

It's an old one, back from Before. Way back from 2017.

"I miss you," he chokes out, pulling the picture into his chest. It's cold and papery and so _not them_ that he just cries harder, trying to conjure up the memories of their warmth.

He fails.

Because death is permanent here, isn't it?

He puts the picture back on the table, decision already made. This is his penance.

There's a mug of coffee on the table, and Seokjin hates himself for it.

Hates that he doesn't even have the dignity to go out the way Namjoon did.

But Kim Seokjin is a coward, always _has been _a coward, and will _die _a coward.

So he sips on the coffee before downing it all in one gulp, falling back onto the bed.

He can't feel his feet.

"I love you," he mumbles, mind already slowing. "I love you... love you guys so... so... much..."

* * *

He's breaking.

He's breaking down in someone's arms, and he doesn't even know who the fuck he's talking to but he screams nonetheless, beating his fists against their chest.

"Jin, Jin, listen to me," the person murmurs. "Jin, can you hear me?"

"Hyung..." a voice whispers, and it's familiar and so young and _so, so small_. "Hyungie..."

"Yah, give him space!" someone shouts, gravelly voice somehow soothing. "Jin, can you hear me?"

"Hyung..." a small voice whispers. "I'm so sorry..."

"Hey, Minnie, it's okay," a deep voice murmurs. "He's okay."

"I know... I just... he looks so _sad_..."

"I miss them," Seokjin sobs, burying his face in the person's shoulder. "I miss them so much..."

Soft hands tangle themselves in his hair, pulling him in, and he shakes his head, unsure if he can even cry.

"Jinnie-hyung..." the first voice whispers. "Jinnie-hyung, can you hear me?"

"I miss them," Seokjin repeats, and the first voice hums assent, rubbing circles into his back. "I just... I wish I had told them I loved him..."

"It's okay," the man murmurs, and Seokjin manages to raise his head-

And it's Namjoon.

"I know," the younger whispers, and Seokjin breaks down again.

* * *

He wakes up in somebody's lap. 

The sound of breathing fills the room, and he instinctively curls into the warmth before realizing where he is.

He bolts to a seated position, eyes widening. "Where-"

"Go back to sleep," Yoongi grumbles from the side of the room. 

Seokjin's eyes widen, but arms loop around his neck and pull him back into a tight hug, and his eyes widen further as he realizes he's sandwiched between Namjoon and Jungkook.

"Ah, look at how cute they are!" Hoseok whispers, and someone - probably Taehyung - giggles into his hands.

"Ssh," Namjoon mumbles, breath tickling Seokjin's hair. "It's too early."

"Hyungie..." Jungkook murmurs. "Go back to sleep..."

Seokjin sighs, resigning himself to his fate. "Fine..."

"Good," Namjoon sighs. "Good..."

God, Seokjin is so soft for his dongsaengs.

"Love you guys," he murmurs, and a chorus of "aww"s float up through the room.

"Love you too, Jinnie-hyung," Namjoon whispers.

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me on twit ^^  
@i_was_human_


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